Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Turning Disappointment Into Success


Well, Monday was weigh-in day and after all my planning and counting points and avoiding all the foods I absolutely love, I was UP .2lbs. UP!! Not even, not down which I really expected, but UP!! I know it was only .2lbs, that’s not much, but down .2 would have been huge. I had stepped up on that scale with such confidence; I just knew that I was going to see 1-2lbs down. I mean, I only had turkey, ham and a little broccoli casserole for Thanksgiving. I didn’t eat anything that I dearly loved. The stuffing, the noodles, the deviled eggs—the chocolate cake, I walked away from it all!! I was committed to losing this weight and I was going to be the example that if you eat smart and work hard that you can actually lose weight during the holidays. I failed. I was so disappointed in myself, I was humiliated that I had been so confident in this process and my confidence flew right out the window. It took all I had to fight the tears. I could hardly speak the rest of the night. I had decided that I was not ever going to lose weight and that it was the last time I was going to Weight Watchers.

Well, I got home, ate dinner (yes, I counted the points) and went upstairs and took a hot bath. As I lay there, I started thinking about all the times I had let my disappointment get the best of me. How I allowed disappointment to always strip a little bit of my confidence away, like I wasn’t worth whatever it was I was trying to obtain (relationships, jobs, weight, etc.). I allowed an emotion to control me and what I wanted to obtain. I allowed it. And right then I realized I was not going to ever allow an emotion to control me ever again. For me, sharing (blogging) about my weight-loss journey is therapeutic. I mean, what use would I be to anyone that reads my blog, if I gave up after gaining weight? How could I maybe help that one person that is struggling with the same thing? How would I ever be an example to my son if I gave up after every disappointment?

When Quinn strikes out one day, I will not tell him to quit the team because he was disappointed in the way he played. When Quinn doesn’t score that A that he studied so hard for, I won’t tell him to give up on learning. When Quinn’s heart is broken by his first love, I won’t tell him to ever give up on love. What I will tell him is that life is full of disappointment. That what we do with that disappointment is what makes us successful. Practice more, study more and love more. That is what I will tell him. Never give up. One of my favorite quotes is from Michael Jordan “I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Success comes from never giving into your emotions”.

So I gained a little weight. The good thing is I didn’t gain a lot of weight. If I had of eaten all the foods that I dearly loved, I would have most definitely gained a lot more!! According to www.well.blogs.nytimes.com the average overweight person gains apx.5lbs during the holidays. If you take Thanksgiving week to New Years week, that is about 1lb per week. So, being up .2lbs is actually really amazing!! I am an overweight person, actually, I am considered obese, so not gaining that 1lb during Thanksgiving is really good. In the big scheme of things I was actually very successful. My overall weight-loss in 3 weeks is still 8.8lbs!!
So as we approach these upcoming holiday weeks and the holiday treats starting popping up at work and the cookies start being baked at home, I will allow myself to have a treat every now and then but I will continue to focus on a cleaner, healthier food intake. I will start focusing more on my daily activity and I will continue to log and blog. I encourage you to do the same. Focus on what you’re eating and what you’re doing. Replace that candybar with an apple and take a quick walk around the block, or head the mall and walk around. Every little bit will help. Here are a few suggestions that I will use these next few weeks and maybe they will help you too.

• Put your disappointment behind you and use what you learned to try to reach your goal next time.
• Recognize the things you accomplished during the experience, even if you see it as a failure. Remind yourself that your hard work paid off, even if it was not in the way you were expecting.
• Acknowledge your mistakes. Consider the reasons why you didn’t reach your goal, and make an effort to avoid the same mistakes in the future.
• Eliminate unrealistic goals. Sit down and reevaluate your wants and abilities, and formulate a goal that is challenging, rewarding, and attainable.

Just remember, you can’t be disappointed if you didn’t try.
And if you tried that means that you took an action to better yourself.
If you took an action that means that you have it in you
And if you have it in you then you can do it again
And if you do it again, you will succeed!!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Turkey and Broccoli and Pie....OH MY!!!

Well the holidays are upon us and for those of use that are really trying to watch what we eat and lose the weight, this time of year is a tough one. Let’s admit it, we can say that were going to only get a little taste of everything, but after that first bite your taste buds go into overdrive and it’s all you can do to to get back in line and start filling your plate with your favorite foods; broccoli casserole, stuffing (the real thing), oyster casserole, green bean casserole, pumpkin pie, caramel cake!! So many good foods end in casserole have you ever realized that that? I just did. *sigh* Anyway, I have been preplanning my Thanksgiving plate in my head for a week now. That may sound crazy, but the only way I am going to continue my weight loss is to be prepared. I prepare my foods daily; for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I know what I am going to eat for every meal of the day. So why should Thanksgiving be any different.

First and foremost, let me say I am so blessed and thankful this holiday season. I will be spending the holidays with a loving husband, an amazing little boy, my mom, stepdad, sisters, brother’s-in-law and my nieces and nephews. I will get to hug my aunts, uncles, cousins and even my grandmother. This day is truly so much more than food. It is a day to be thankful for all the prayers that have been answered, the memories made and to remember those that are no longer with us. It is about being thankful. It is about family. Now, with that said, you should know, when my family gathers, there will be food—LOTS OF FOOD!!!

For me, I know the main foods that will be in my Grannys kitchen this Thursday. For that matter, I already pretty much know who is making what. We plan. We assign foods and paper goods and drinks. We want to make sure we have plenty for the numerous people that will be around our Thanksgiving table, and trust me, we always have plenty!! So I am already calculating points. I am already envisioning my plate and what will be on it. If you struggle with something, you have to preplan, you have to think it out, and you have to know what your weaknesses are and what you need to do to overcome that weakness. I know my weaknesses. I know the foods that I will want to pile on my plate. And I do mean pile. I love the broccoli casserole, I love the REAL mashed potatoes, the real mac and cheese, I love the dressing and the caramel cake. There are so many things that will be in my Granny’s kitchen this Thursday afternoon that my mouth is salivating right now just thinking about it. So, knowing these weaknesses, I have preplanned my plate.

I am also being responsible for bringing foods that have 0 points. The healthy food if you will. I am bringing a veggie tray with a fat free veggie dip (1 point per serving) and a fruit tray with a very low calorie yet very tasty cheesecake fruit dip (1 point per serving). This is what I plan to munch on. This is what I plan to eat when I want to go back for seconds. I have compiled a few points below for some of our favorite things on Thanksgiving. Keep in mind, a person at a healthy weight would have like 26 points per day to eat. If your over weight, you obviously get more, but just look at these points and decide yourself, is it really worth eating if you’re really trying to lose the weight?

Turkey: white meat, no skin, 4 points
Green Bean casserole, ¾ cup, 5 points
Mashed potatoes, 1 cup, 8 points
Cranberry sauce, 1/3 cup, 8 points
Stuffing, 1 cup, 9 points
Broccoli Casserole, 1 cup, 6 points
Pecan Pie, 1 slice, 14 points
Pumpkin pie, 1 slice (no whip), 8 points

Know your portions. (WeightWatchers.com)
Use your hand to measure the actual amount of food on your plate. Here's how:
•Your fist is equal to one medium fruit or one measured cup
•Your palm minus the fingers is a 3 ounce portion of cooked meat
•Your thumb (whole thumb, from tip to base) is equal to one ounce of meat or cheese
•Your thumb from the tip to the first joint is about 1 tablespoon
•Your index finger from the tip to the first joint is about 1 teaspoon

These are just a few things I could find. My plan this year is to eat more veggies (cooked and raw) and less of the “good” stuff. I will have a “taste” of the broccoli, and the stuffing and the mashed potatoes, but I am looking forward to proving to myself that I can make smarter choices. I have the power over what I eat and what I don’t. I have the will and the desire to lose this weight that has taken me 25+ years to gain. I will get healthy and I hope that you will join me.

Weight loss update: I lost 5.4lbs last week so my grand total weight loss is 9lbs in 2 weeks. This has not been an easy 2 weeks, I won’t lie. But it has been two of the most rewarding in regard to my confidence and will power. I only worked out 1 day during this 2 week stint, so I wonder where I would be with activity?? My focus, however, is getting my head right. Making myself realize that I don’t need all the junk and that I actually like the good!! I will get back to the gym very soon. I actually miss going. I have a great workout partner that makes working out fun. But until then, I will log my food. ALL my food!! It’s the only way to stay on track!!

Thank you for reading Eat.Drink.Play and I hope you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Fifth Commandment

Last night we attended our last bible study with our friends at Northeast Christian Church (NCC). James and I have come too really like this church and the people there. While it was a really hard adjustment for me to go from a 15 people population on Sunday mornings (yes I said 15!!) to an 800-1000 people population, I made the change. I had attended Bethel Presbyterian Church since I was about 5 years old. It is home to me, the members are like my family and to walk away was hard. But since becoming parents, James and I both longed for more and NCC is where we have landed, for now. 

One of the things that we have truly enjoyed these past 9 weeks has been the bible studies, they call them Connection Wednesdays. They have child care during these classes, so James and I are both able to attend and Quinn gets a little more bible study (play) time of his own!! We just finished up a class for parenting that was called House or Home Parenting edition, and is led by Chip Ingram. It was great studies that lead to some even great conversation with parents. Chip gives us a blueprint for raising our children to be Christians and to build a foundation of morals and values. He points out the harsh realities that make you want to cry at times because you can see where you are going wrong, but yet he lifts you up and makes you realize that you’re not alone and that the path you’re on can be changed in a matter of days and weeks. I highly recommend this study for anyone that wants to change the way they are raising their children and want to become a better example themselves to them.

But last night, I got something out of the meeting that I never expected. Everyone was stating what they got from the past 9 weeks, some was spending more time with their children, some it was being more strict by enforcing what they say when they say it. But one lady said something that nearly brought me to my knees. She said that the week we discussed a verse out of Ephesians 6:2 “Honor thy father and mother “, the Fifth Commandment, was a huge turning point for her. For most of us, we took this verse as we were to raise our children to honor us. Chip even says, if we don’t raise our children to honor us, someone they can see, how will we ever raise our children to honor something they don’t see? Well, this young lady took a different perspective on it. She said that she was an only child and once she was married and had children she assumed that her parents would always make time to come see their grandchildren. She said she was angry a lot because they were not making the effort. They were always too busy. After that night of class, she stepped back and realized that it wasn’t her parents place to necessarily make time for us, but she was to make time for them. “We” were to honor “them”, our parents. She said she had realized that they were busy, daily, taking care of, honoring, their elderly parents (her grandparents) and that her place was to go see them and take her kids to them.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. For those who know me, you know that I come from a divorced family. My mom and dad separated when I was young. I’m not sure at what age, but I think 4 or 5. My mother raised me. She did a great job. But my dad was in and out of my life always. When I turned 16 and was able to drive, I would go see him often, but as years went on, our relationship (if that’s what you want to call it) drifted. There would be days, months, and years of no communication. I cried many a night wondering why he didn’t want to be my dad. Why he couldn’t call me, why he couldn’t put forth the effort. Fast forward to today, I have come to peace with the way things are and decided that it had nothing to do with love, but that it was just “who he was”. I tell myself that if he died today that I am ok with where our relationship is/was. That I put forth the effort and he knows I love him. Well, until last night, I believed that. Until last night, I thought I was ok with where our relationship stood. I was wrong.

The Lord commands us, first and foremost, to Honor our Mother and Father. He doesn’t say, try a little and see what happens. He doesn’t say, if they don’t call you then don’t call them. He doesn’t say, if they are mean to you to be mean back. He says Honor!! Honor means giving respect to someone. It is a high moral standard of behavior. I realized last night, that I was not honoring my Father by ignoring him. I was not honoring my Father by living my life and not being a part of his. I was not Honoring my Father by allowing our relationship to be go stale. I was not honoring my Father as the Lord commanded that I do. And at that moment I wept.

Now, this is my story. Everyone who has a complicated relationship with their parents has their own reason. My Father didn’t technically abandon me. He was there, sometimes. He made me promises that he never kept. He acknowledged my birthday, sometimes. I was angry at him. I allowed myself to be hurt by his actions one to many times. I really thought that the way things were is the way things would be.

Today I reached out to him. I sent a text. It’s a small step. He hasn’t responded-yet. I am not even sure that he has phone that receives texts. Haha If I don’t hear back, I will call him tonight. I plan to make an effort, weekly, monthly, to go see him; to call him; to let him know that I love him. My dad is a great guy. My dad deserves to be honored.

I want to teach my son, by my example that you never give up on your parents. You never disrespect your parents. You never speak harshly about or to your parents. I want to know that if the day comes and I must take my time to care for my mother and/or my father that he will know how to be there for me and his dad, becasue of the example that I set. He is to honor his parents. Honoring a parent is giving selfless love. It’s a rewarding love. Starting today, I will honor both my mother and my father just as the Lord has commanded me to do.

I need to add, while this post was primarily about my dad, my mother has been my rock my entire life. There are times I feel bad for the days and phases in my life where I wasnt the child/adult that showed honor to my mother. Thankfully, sometimes, we learn with age. I pray that each day going forward, I honor her, in any way that I can. None of us are perfect, and there will be days that I will say something or do something that may negate what I am saying today, but the fact is, I will make my purpose to not only honor my father, but to ensure that my mother knows that I love and respect her in all ways and that I honor them both, all the days of our lives. Thank you Marlene and Sonny, for being my parents. I am truly blessed!!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Week 1 down, a Lifetime to go!!

Well, I finished my first week of Weight Watchers (WW). I will not lie: it was hard, it was challenging and I was hungry at times. (Well, at least I thought I was!!) This was a rough week, as we started WW on a Monday night. We had no healthy, low fat foods prepared and of course, that looming thought of “is this really going to work this time?” was in the back of our minds as we left the meeting. Later in the week we had a family member get drastically ill and we ended up at the hospital several days, lots of worrying and of course, a challenge to eat better. My family had a planned trip to Indiana to go on the Polar Express this weekend, and not only was there horrible storms with tornados predicted; the train ride was cancelled once we got up there. GREAT!! I am an emotional eater. I know this, so anything that throws a wrench in my day or week, I tend to eat (happy or sad, good or bad). So this past week was a big challenge for me to not eat my through my stress!!


I feel it is very important to know when and why you eat. Just like a person that is addicted to alcohol, nicotine or drugs; overeating (or under eating) is an addiction/condition that needs to be dealt with. Now, let me state that I have never gone to professional counseling or searched out actual clinical help for my eating habits. I have been to WW in the past and I have had Weight loss Surgery, but neither offers(ed) professionally trained counseling or therapy as to why I have eaten the way I do over the years. WW, however, does help by offering tools to make you more aware and definitely gives you other options to think about rather than eat a cookie!  I know why I eat. Besides the fact that I LOVE food, I love to eat when I am happy, when I am sad, when there are times to rejoice and when there are times to mourn. I eat. My family eats. Everything that is around me, on most occasions, involves food.


What has helped me this past week is blogging and logging. This is my new favorite phrase. I have held myself accountable by blogging. I have put my weight out there for all to see. Weight, like age, is sometimes (ok, most times) a very touchy subject for most women. My age doesn’t bother me. It never has (well once, when I turned 30, but that’s another story). I am proud of my age. I celebrate birthdays!! I am thankful for each day that God is allowing me to be on this earth. However, weight is a different story. I like to lie to myself most days about how much I weigh. So putting my weight out here, for whomever to see, is a big step. But it’s real. And if I want to lose weight, get healthy and maybe, motivate others, I have to be real. That’s the first step, I think, of making a change. At least it’s my first step.


I highly recommend logging your foods. I was amazed last week, as I stood in our gift shop at work, searching for a snack that wouldn’t eat up my points. I calculated every chip, candy bar, Cheez-it and peanut in that place. I walked out empty handed. I almost felt defeated! Now, I could have gotten any of them, and eat half the bag (as most were 2 servings) but I know me, I have no control. I would have eaten the entire bag. That’s what I do!! So I found a single serving bag of baked lays BBQ chips, they were 4 points, they did the job. I am actually sickened about the foods that I was putting in my body. Logging has kept it real, it’s not always pretty, but it’s real!! Log your foods; I think you might be amazed!!


So, my big news is I lost 3.6lbs this past week!! Not a huge loss, but for the first time in months, I didn’t gain—and that is HUGE!! A healthy weight loss is 1-2lbs per week for someone who wants to lose it and keep it off. This week was full of sacrifices, changes, logging and blogging. It was full of fruits and vegetables and much less of chips and chocolate. I wasn’t as active as I would have liked to be but I was more active than I was in the past. It’s a step, in the right direction, in the permanent lifestyle change that I want for myself. I am excited for the weeks, months and years to come. I hope you are too.


Here is a list of Food with Principles that I read on the back of my WW meal today. I thought they were a great way to start looking at the way we eat and the foods we eat. I hope this list helps you:

1. Portion control so you can eat the foods you love
2. Breakfast is crucial, because it starts your day right & helps control hunger
3. Smart Eating includes a variety of foods with protein
4. Whole grains, fruit and vegetables can keep you fuller, longer!
5. Smart deserts and snacks can help you stay on track
6. Support and knowledge are critical to making smart food choices.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Prayer

Prayer /pre(É™)r/ noun
noun: prayer; plural noun: prayers1. a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship.


For most people, the word prayer is a common word. They understand the meaning of what one is going to do when they say they are going to pray. While we often still think of prayer primarily as asking God for something, prayer, properly understood, is a conversation with God. When we speak or have a conversation with someone, we are implying that there is someone there, listening to us. So as we speak to God, we are acknowledging that he is there, listening to our every word. Communicating with God forms a bond, a relationship to speak, that grows with every word, every sentence, and every prayer.

Our minister at Bethel Presbyterian Church, just did a sermon on prayer this past week and he talked about prayer. He reminded us that God answers prayers, sometimes not the way we want him to answer, but in the way he sees fit too. Many of us pray for healing, good health, employment and sometimes financial security (not rich, but being able to pay our bills). We pray for our loved ones, for our friends and for nations facing mass destructions.


I am not a knee prayer. I don’t think you have to pray a certain way or at a certain time of day. I pray in my car, in the shower, while I am walking down the hallways at work. I pray quietly. I converse with God. I am building a relationship of trust and love and friendship. I think that is what we are supposed to do when we pray. We should pray like Jesus though. We should take time to be quiet and speak and more importantly, to listen. We should pray selflessly. I am learning to have selfless prayers. There was a time where I was very selfish in my prayers. A few years ago, when I wanted a baby more than anything, and I couldn’t have one naturally. I prayed. I cursed. I cried. I asked why on so many occasions. What I wasn’t thinking of was if/when he answered my prayer that meant that there would be a woman, who would make the ultimate sacrifice, by letting her child go and to be raised by another woman. God did answer my prayer. In his time, and it was beautiful. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t believe that he heard my cries and my pleas, but he knew when I was to become the mother of a precious little baby. My prayer was answered and I am grateful. However, there have been many times I prayed for something and it didnt happen. I had to accept that and thank him and move on. Occasionally, hours, days or sometimes even years down the road I have realized why or how God answered my prayer. Sometimes it was becasue he had someting better in store for me. Sometimes it was because he needed to know that I was faithful and would follow him even in times of despair.


Recently I have been faced with illness and death of so many that are young. I have family fighting cancer, one going in for surgery as I write this and dear friend fighting for his life while he awaits a liver transplant. I pray daily for these people. Each one is at a different stage in their illness. Some are weaker than others; some will heal faster than others. Some may lose their fight. So what I pray for is that God gives them comfort. Of course I want them healed, but more than anything I don’t want suffering. I pray that God gives them the strength to fight, the courage to face their battles and the acceptance for what is to come. I pray for the families, their caretakers that are walking next to their loved ones and at times carrying them. Deuteronomy 31:8 says that “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."


So today, right now, I ask that you say a little prayer for someone in your life, or maybe someone in my life, or maybe for someone you don’t even know like those in the Philippines that have lost so much. Pray for their comfort and their strength and their understanding. Pray for healing and hope and rebuilding. But more importantly, pray for acceptance that whatever happens, God is with us. God doesn’t want us to suffer or die, but he has promised us a place in heaven if we believe and have faith and accept him as our Lord and Savior. A place where there will never be anymore suffering or illness or destruction. A place, where we will be happy and healthy every day. So just pray. Pray when you want and how you want, but pray. God is listening. God wants to talk to you and with you. You may not hear or feel his answer, but he is there.


Please note. I am learning to be a better Christian and better follower of Jesus and above all, I am learning to have a relationship with God. These posts are my thoughts and my impressions. They may not be right according to scripture, but it’s what I feel and what I gain from my lessons. Regardless, I think we have to start somewhere, and this is where I am starting. There are many that are more versed in what the bible says and there are many that have a much stronger relationship with God. But I’m getting there and I hope you are too. So with that said, if there are loved ones that you would like lifted up in prayer, please feel free to comment with their name, or initials, below and I will pray for them (in the way that I pray) as well as others that may read this post. Thank you for reading. Thank you for praying. May God bless you and keep you safe.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Counting Points--One Point at a Time

Well, last night my mom and I went to a Weight Watchers meeting. We joined and we went home motivated (sorta) to start this process. I think we both had this gloom of the monthly price and then the cost of eating healthy and then, that large dark cloud of “Will it work this time”. I had looked at my budget going into this and I knew that it was going to be a hiccup in our already tight bank account. But as I went back and looked at the money we (James and I) were spending monthly at fast food and the daily purchases at the hospital cafeteria (mostly me!!), we were spending way more than the $40 a month fee for WW. I think sometimes we have to spend to get results. I spend $20 a month to go to the gym. I will spend $40 a month to go to WW. I, personally, like the group therapy type meetings. I love hearing others trials and struggles but more importantly, I love hearing their successes. It gives me hope and encourages me to not give up. And if you speak to those that succeed, that keep the weight off, they go to meetings!! So, as long as I can afford to go, I will attend the meetings.


I weighed in last night at 265lbs. I convinced myself that I had not gained weight since my last blog (as I promised myself), I had on clothes and boots and it was late in the day (6pm). The lady said that most weigh in with their shoes on the first visit so that the second visit you may “lose” weight (hint, no shoes=less weight) LOL. My 5% goal is 13lbs. I would love to have that off by Christmas. That is my goal. We shall see. One day at a time!!
 Today has been a struggle with points. I have not had a chance to go to the store and get the fruits and veggies that I need to fill the “voids” of my day. I logged my food and it was scary the point values that the foods I was eating daily actually have. A simple granola bar is 5points. Really?? Its organic and healthy, so I thought. I put it in my desk drawer for an emergency one day, but not today!! WW has changed the way they do their points. It’s not just fat and calories anymore. Its fat, carbs, protein and fiber. It’s more balanced. I like it. It’s making me really plan out these meals. I get 39 points a day. Sounds like a lot, but trust me, it isn’t.  You do get 49 extra points during the week and you get points for activity. I am not going to count my activity points. It will help me to lose more in the long run that way. Weight Watchers allows you to live life, eat every day foods, but makes you think more about what goes in your mouth and when!!


So, tonight, I have date night. We are heading to the theater to see Thor and I will get a small popcorn and my one diet drink a day allotment (I am drinking water through the day so I can have my soda tonight). I have added the points in already. Without butter, the popcorn is actually not bad. We are then heading to the grocery and stocking up on lots of fruits, veggies and frozen WW meals (for lunch). Dinners will be lean meats, veggies and some whole grain pastas and or rice. I am searching daily for ideas and meal plans that we all will love and can be simple. What are your favorite meals and how do you make them healthy and tasty at the same time?

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Monday, November 11, 2013

If it has a drive thru, Drive by it!!

A while back my family doctor, who I adore, told me that in order to lose some of this weight I needed to follow this one simple tip: If it has a drive thru, drive by it!! He is so smart (aleck)!! I do agree with him but that is not so easy some days with the constant hustle and bustle of a busy life. The good thing is there is a way to lose weight, eat (somewhat) healthy and still go through the drive thru. Now, I don’t think this should be an everyday occurrence. But there are days that it is just a must, at least in my life, and so many others that I know, to run through McDonalds or Wendy’s or Rally’s (for a cheaper non healthy meal). For instance, my small country church that we attend on a regular basis goes to eat almost every Sunday after church service. We usually hit up Wendy’s or McDonalds. And I want to go with them. I want Quinn to go. So, I have to make smarter, healthier choices when I am there. Yes, I want the Double-Bacon cheese burger with fries and a Coke, but what I will start getting is the baked potato, salad (with low fat-fat free dressing) or chili. These are just as good, just as filling and much better that the before mentioned burger!! Here are a couple other things that I love and the small changes we can make to save big in the end. I get Quinn the nuggets, but he gets oranges and/or apples and a milk. It’s not better than eating at home, but it’s better than the alternatives.


Starbucks: I love all #Starbucks. White Chocolate Mocha is my go to comfort coffee, but I love the Pumpkin Spice and currently my favorite has been the Salted Caramel Mocha. Yummy!! I go through phases with getting these coffees, some weeks I will get 3-4 some weeks none. What I really wasn't aware of was the calories in these coffees. OMG!! Here is a breakdown:

Starbucks VENTI White Chocolate with 2% milk and whipped cream is a whopping 580 calories and 22grams of fat!! Yowza!! So replace that high calorie, high fat coffee with the great taste of a Venti Vanilla Latte with nonfat milk and you go to a delicious 250 calories and 0 fat. That’s right, 0 fat!! If you drink one of these a week, that is a yearly savings of 17160 calories and 1144 grams of fat!! WOW!! Still get to keep that great taste, but look at the difference in calories and fat.


One of my other favs is the sweet tea from McDonalds. It is sweet, its tea and its sweet (did I say that already). Many don’t like it, but I love it!! And its only $1, so that makes the deal even "sweater" haha, no pun intended, ok maybe it was intended. I got one Friday night. I told myself it was the last one-here's why. In a $1 large sweet tea there are 220 calories but the whopper is 54grams of sugar. So, I say you can still get your tea from McDonalds, but carry packets of sweetener with you (or ask for them). I recommend Truvia or Stevia. They are not as processed as the blue, yellow or pink packets. From my research, none of them are good for you, but if you must have something, use them. Add some lemon and enjoy your tea. The best alternative would be to drive on past McDonald’s, go home, and drink water. I struggle with water, but I am working on it.


These are just a few changes. There are so many options and as I travel this journey of getting healthier and making smarter choices I will share them with you. What small changes have you made that have made a huge difference in your journey of getting healthier?

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Take control!!

I am way to tired to blog tonight but I wanted to give a little inspiration to start the week. I start weight watchers tomorrow night. I am so motivated to start making healthier and smarter choices. Gym at 530am as well. Remember- it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change!!!  Have a great week everyone!!  


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Saturday, November 9, 2013

Stumbled right out of the starting gate


Today was a beautiful day in the bluegrass state. Sunny, a bit cool and a light breeze. My kinda day. I feel that I am most productive on days like this. I don't like heat and the older I get I'm not too crazy about the extreme cold (which I think is coming this year). I am happier and more energetic on these 60 degree days. But today I woke up with that lingering thought of "I made a commitment to not gain any more weight". Today I  must make smart decisions.  healthier choices.  The blogging world depends on this (all 4 of my followers that is!  haha).  And today I stumbled right out of the starting gate.

Before I even let my feet hit the ground I had decided what I was having for breakfast. I was going to eat some Kashi cereal and have a cup of joe. I already knew that I was out of sweetener, so I had psyched myself into putting half the amount of sugar I would normally. I was ready. I was ready to have a great morning and eat healthy. I got up, went downstairs, and put on the coffee. Then the phone call (well the text) came in, "donuts this morning?" Ugh!! Really?  He is asking if I want donuts?  Does HE not read my blog?  Does HE not know that I already decided to eat a healthy breakfast?? I looked at it, I looked again. I was prepared to say, no, not today but what my head was thinking was not what was sent in reply. "Sure,". Ugh!! Really?? I just said sure, bring the donuts?!? So, said donuts arrive, and I eat one. But just one!! So proud that I only had one. Then I left the house for a while to run some errands. For the record, I will blog later about having a support system and how much they can truly help you to stick to your goals.

At noon, my cousins from my grandmothers side all gathered for our yearly Womens luncheon.  This year it was at Ramada hotel and the food was delish. I didn't overdo it. I had one plate, single serving scoops, and I had dessert. I did have salad (that makes up for the donut right?). It was a little (ok, maybe a lot) more calories that I should have had, but it's once a year. Right? Anyway, I got home and there, right in front of me, was the dreaded Krispy Kreme box. I ate one. I was so mad, but it was so good. But I was so mad!!   

Anyway, today was not a win for food. My mom had made a brown sugar pie and yes, I had a pice of that tonight. You see, this is why I struggle with weight. I LOVE TO EAT!!!! I love to eat everything. But today I was very aware of what I put in my mouth. I can't say that a week ago I would have eaten more, or that I would have eaten less, but today I was aware. It's one step at a I time. I didn't just blow my entire day because I had a donut this morning. I am proud that I didn't have three donuts for breakfast. I am proud that I am still moving forward.

Tomorrow we are having a Thanksgiving dinner at church and then later in the day a birthday party. These are the everyday challenges that I (we), the overweight population, faces on a regular basis. Big dinners and birthday cake. But, we can still enjoy these things; we must make smarter choices, and get healthier all at the same time. What I hope to do is write about my journey, the peaks and the valleys and in the end, I hope to not only become healthier but to help and motivate others along the way. It's not going to be easy, (I will stumble out of the starting gate). And many days it won't be fun (I will probably throw the jockey and never finish the race). But in the end it will all be worth it, because there is always another race. And I can't wait.

 

So,  tomorrow is another day.  A new race.  And like the announcer says at the start of every horse race "and they're off!!!"







Friday, November 8, 2013

Dont Ignore the Signs



Last night I attended a memorial service for a 40 year old man who was a father, a husband, a son, a brother,a friend. He died in his sleep Sunday morning in his bed. He had watched tv the night before with his wife, started having some pains shoot down his arm and went to bed. That was the last time she ever saw him alive. Adam ignored the signs Saturday night and as I understand, he had done so in the past as well. Adam had lost his job a while back, was working as a contractor and had no insurance. He probably did not want to have an added expense of medical bills added to what I am sure was a an already stressful finanaical situation. He ignored the signs hoping they would go away. Adam died.

Today, I just felt compelled to share with you the signs and symptoms of a heart attack. I have 4 followers on this blog that probably already know this information and I am sure that the others that read it probably know too. However, sometimes we have to be reminded of what we already know just to keep it fresh in our memory. I work with heart patients daily and I just think that it is a good idea to know the different symptoms to look for and to know that they can be very different for men and women.

The following information comes from the American Heart Association, go their website here: AHA

Heart Attack Signs in Women
1.Uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain in the center of your chest. It lasts more than a few minutes, or goes away and comes back.
2.Pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
3.Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
4.Other signs such as breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.
5.As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort. But women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some of the other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting and back or jaw pain.
If you have any of these signs, don’t wait more than five minutes before calling for help. Call 9-1-1 and get to a hospital right away.

Heart Attack signs in Men
Some heart attacks are sudden and intense — the "movie heart attack," where no one doubts what's happening. But most heart attacks start slowly, with mild pain or discomfort. Often people affected aren't sure what's wrong and wait too long before getting help. Here are signs that can mean a heart attack is happening:

•Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness or pain.
•Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw or stomach.
•Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
•Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea or lightheadedness.

Theere are just a few things you can start doing today to help decrease your chances of having a heart attack. Quit smoking!! Eat a well balanced, healthy diet. Start some sort of exercise routine, even if it is just 15-20 minutes, get up and move!! Learn ways to manage your stress (meditate,hypnosis, accupuncture).

If you think that you are or have experienced any of the symptoms above, please, I beg you, go see your doctor. If you are worried about the hopsital bills, you can set up payments. Do not put off a life-threatening condition because of money. Better safe than sorry and just remember, dont ignore the signs!!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

No. More. Excuses!!!

  This morning my alarm went off at 5am, as it does most mornings, and I sent a text to my work out partner asking if she wanted to go to the gym. We went back and forth with maybe, do you, I dont know...finally, she said "let’s go". So we went!! Why do I hate going yet love it when I do. Why do I try to come up with any excuse possible to not go do what I must do to start this lifestyle change. I know that I am not alone. So many of us struggle with our weight and making the decision to lose it easy, doing something about it, not so easy. I hate being fat. I hate the clothes I am forced to wear. I hate the mirrors in my house. I hate the reflection of myself in the elevators and windows where I work. OK, maybe not hate. That’s a really strong word, but I really, really really don’t like it, yet I continue to eat high fat, high calorie foods, sit on my butt and gain weight. Not anymore!! I am tired of being tired. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of being the person that I am not supposed to be!!

Here is a brief bio on me. I never struggled with weight. I was a 145lbs all through high school. I thought I was fat, haha, but I wasn’t. I was the ideal weight for my height. In 1989 I met a guy, married him a month later, and moved away from home. (That’s a whole other blog in itself!!LOL) I moved far away, like all the way to Florida away. I knew no one, I had no family or friends nearby and I was suddenly forced to prepare my own meals. Well, we ate meals at all times of the night (he was in the military and got home late most nights), we had high fat foods and lots of soda. I had no routine and that year I put on 50lbs. In the years to come I would gain another 50lbs and increase 5 pants sizes. In 2009 I made the decision to have weight loss surgery (WLS). I went with the Lapband and I just knew that this was going to be the answer to my weight loss. Well, 4 years later, I had lost 20lbs and was miserable due to a few complications. I had the band removed in 2013 and within 2 months put on 25lbs. Today, 11/7/13, at 264lbs, I weigh more than I ever have. I own 3 pairs of pants that I rotate out weekly and I am becoming someone I don’t even recognize anymore!

Today, 11/7/13, I am making the decision to not gain another pound. I am making the decision to do what I know has to be done to do to get this weight off. I know that it will not happen overnight (oh how I wish it would)and it will not happen in a month, but over the next few weeks, next few months the next few years, I plan on making healthier decisions. Being more active. Living life to its fullest. It will not be easy. I know this. I am a realist (most days) and I will make bad choices on occasion. What will be different is it will not be a daily thing. I will not ruin an entire day because of one bad meal. I use to use that old excuse, I already ruined my diet for the day so let’s go all out!! No more. That excuse is out the window!! I am making the commitment to exercise every day. Whether that is going to the gym, walking in the neighborhood, playing outside with my son. I will be active every day of the week. if its just 30 minutes, I will do something!! I am making the commitment to eat better and make smarter choices. I am starting Weight Watchers next week and look forward to sharing this journey with others that are on the same path as me. I am making the commitment to living life. The commitment to living MY life, to its fullest, to being what and WHO God intended me to be and enjoying every minute that I have.

I ask that you pray for me and for all those that are struggling with weight. We don’t want to be fat. We don’t want to be thin. We want to be healthy. I need to be healthy, for myself, for my husband and for my child. For my friends and family that count on me and need me. I want to live life and enjoy the years I have left on this earth. I start this journey today and I hope that you will start with me. No more excuses!! I can and will do this!!

Friday, July 12, 2013

The Frog Hopper

Ever had one of those "slap you in the face" moments?  You know, when something happens and it is a huge wakeup call that makes you take a step back and analyze your life?  Well, I had that moment on July 4th, 2013.
It was a rainy 4th of July and we decided that we would take Quinn to Gattitown for some pizza and indoor "dry" entertainment.  We had free passes and 2/$5 game cards so not only would it be fun but it wouldn’t hit our budget to bad either.  We invited my sister, brother in law and niece along as well and they invited a few of their friends.  It was a good time.  Then my moment happened.  Gattitown got this new ride called the Frog Hopper.  It’s a ride for the little ones but their parents can ride too, pretty cool.  Quinn, my kid that NEVER wants to do something adventurous, wanted to ride.  The adrenaline shot through me.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fit on that ride. I stood there, frozen, thinking, maybe I will fit but what if I don’t; What if I get on there and they make me..us get off because my gut is too big to close the bar?? How embarrassing that would be not just for me, but for him.  The one little human I love most on this earth would be devastated if he couldn’t ride this roller coaster.   It was the first time I realized my weight was going to affect the things I could do with my son.  I was heartbroken.  Never have I wanted to run and hide and cry more than I did that very moment. My sister, thank goodness, was there and was able to ride with him.  He loved it.  He had the most amazing look on his face and was so excited.  It just filled my heart with joy, but the tears in my eyes were more than the joy he had experienced, they were the pain that I didn’t get to experience that first with him.  He never thought anything about Aunt RaRa riding with him and mommy not riding.  But I did.  What if she hadn’t been there?  What about the next time? He LOVED the ride, so there will be a next time!!  I knew at that moment that my lifestyle had to change. 
I have always wanted to lose weight, but never had the "right" motivation.  Now I did do.  But, how do I start?  Where do I start?  How do I stay motivated and get this weight off once and for all?  Well, I realized that it’s going to take accountability!!  In order to be held accountable you have to have others that depend upon you.  So, I am asking each of you to hold me accountable, each week, to get this weight off. My next blog will be my first weight loss entry.  I will start with my history of weight gain and my plan for each week.  I will post pictures as well as "THE" numbers, that’s right; I am going to put my weight out there, my weekly gains and most importantly, my losses.  Will you help me?  Will you hold me accountable and keep reminding me why I am doing this?
I enjoy life, I love to eat, I love to Drink (not just alcohol, I love coffee...sweet coffee, sweet tea, soda…the list goes on and on) and I love to play. So starting now I will blog about this weight loss; this lifestyle change.  This is not going to be easy.  But I know that with the support of those around me I can do this.  I am asking that you help keep me motivated and focused and remind me that I am doing this so that I can ride that next roller coaster with my baby boy!!      
    

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

A Coal Miners quilt

What a flashback it has been while unpacking a sea of Boxes and Rubbermaid totes. I have to admit that we have only just begun-but we are starting to transform our new home into ours.  My mother has a beautiful home and we are so blessed to move into an almost fully furnished home, but I definitely wanted to add our touch to it.  I am starting with the upstairs.  It was more of a clean slate than the down, so a little easier canvas to start painting.  Our..(my) biggest concern was not having any bedroom furniture for the master bedroom.  But as we started unpacking and moving things around I was pleasantly surprised to see how all the "extra" pieces started to really make a beautiful and romantic bedroom.  We have several pieces from James' parents and his childhood mixed with what already had and I love it.  We have a ways to go but seeing a vision start to come to life is so exhilarating.  My mom told me this past weekend that a home should be a reflection of your family, your memories, your life together.  I am so excited to not only make it our home but add a piece of those that we have loved and keep their memories alive. 

One piece that I am proud to finally put out is a beautiful coal miner's quilt that was sent to James' dads funeral. It has been in our closet for over 5 years and is finally going to be seen by all who visit us. I love it and I know James does too. Everyday we will pass it as we start our day and we will remember Henry Halcomb, his humor, his kind heart, his love for his family, his fight to live.  The quilt is more than a pice of material, it is a memory that will always keep our love for Henry alive. 

Do you have piece that you proudly display in your home that is a reflection of your past or someone that you loved?



Monday, July 1, 2013

My destiny is in his hands

Lately I have been  am  have been struggling with what my purpose in this life is.  What was I put on this earth to do.  Did I miss an opportunity to really do something amazing with my life? Did I go left when I should have gone right?  Did I look down when I should have looked up? I keep thinking that I should have made smarter choices with my education, my personal life, my finances and maybe, just maybe I would be the person I think I was supposed to be--But who is that?  I look around me and I see so many that "appear" to have it all together.  Now I know that you cant judge a book by its cover.  That appearances can be, and usually are, very deceiving.  And then there are those that know their destiny.  I remember when my sister was little she always said that she was going to be a teacher.  When she played pretend or dress up, she was always a teacher.  It was though she was born knowing her destiny.  She went to college, became a teacher and she has and continues to make such a difference in the youth of today. Teaching them, loving them, helping them find their way in this great big world.

I remember as a kid that I wanted to be everything.  I am pretty sure my future career choices changed with the seasons. I was going to be a police officer, a beautician, a nurse, a chemical engineer, I was going to enlist in the Navy (which I actually did but that's a different blog), I was going to be a professional photographer, I was going to win a CMA...there were just so many options and I guess I thought I would be a Jane of all trades.  LOL  But in all my dream career choices, there was always one constant.  I wanted to be married and more than anything I wanted to be a mom.  I just knew that I would have 2 boys and 1 girl and I even had their names picked out.  Hence my Cabbage Patch kids that are all named for my future children. haha  This was my destiny, to be a mom, to 3 or maybe 4 children.  I knew this, at least I thought I did!
But REALITY set in....

I got a job with the phone company when I was 22.  I was blessed to eventually work myself up into a position that I really loved but 16 years later that job would end, actually causing me to take a step back and see what was really important to me and where I wanted to go in my life. I met an amazing, caring, loving man in 2004ish and we started our life together in 2006 as husband and wife. Then there was the infertility thing.  I will blog more about that later, but in Gods time we were blessed with the most precious son ever (yes, I am a little biased, but just ask anyone, they will agree). So my childhood dreams were slowly coming to life.  I was married, I was a mom.  but now what?  I was am happy, but I can honestly say that there was still something missing.  I felt like I still needed a career, a purpose, but what was that?

Then I realized that I needed to look up.  I need to look up to God to show me what his purpose for me was. I needed to search within myself, listen to what God was telling me, go to where God was directing me.  Proverbs 19:21 says that "Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand."  I was drowning in my own plans and it was because it was all what I wanted to do, not what God wanted me to do.  I am learning to be patient and to listen to him.  He has made my dreams of becoming a wife and mom come true.  He sent me James and Quinn, in his time, when he knew that I was ready for that.  I repeat, When HE knew that I was READY.  So it is time for me to stop worrying so much about what I thought I was supposed to be but who God wants me to be. I am feeding more on the word, I am praying more, I am being more quiet.  I am so far from where I feel he is leading me and yet I feel so close.  Knowing that my destiny is in his hands, trusting him to lead me in the right direction, makes me sleep a little better at night and enjoy the days so much more.

So going forward I am going to stop worrying about what I think my purpose in life is.  Because I know that it is to be a Christian wife, mother, daughter, sister.  A disciple of Christ.  I have so much to learn, but I am so excited to start this next chapter in my life.  I know that he will never fail me and with that faith, even as small as a mustard seed, I will prosper.  I will be happy.  I no longer fear the unknown because he knows what my future holds and that's all that matters.

Have you always known your destiny?  Are you living out your dreams?  Are you still searching? 

 To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3: 1

   

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Life just goes way to fast....

It’s been a while since I last blogged.  I always feel like I have to have that perfect subject in order to write and even though only a handful of people read my blog, I still don’t write.  Well, I am going to change that.  I am going to start writing about whatever is on my mind, the events of the day or what I am (or am not) feeling. I will write about my dreams, my realities, my hopes and ambitions, my let downs and anything and everything in between.  I will probably write a lot about my husband and son because they are the 2 most important things on this earth to me, so consider yourself forewarned!! 
It’s been a crazy few months in the Halcomb household; we sold our house in February and moved in with my mom and step dad.  They are technically there on the weekends only, but lately, with unexpected life events, they have needed to be in Lexington a little more.  Needless to say, our home is filled with laughter, tears, yelling, talking, cooking, cleaning, and so much more.  With 4 headstrong adults and a 3 year old, life is never boring.  Our most recent adventure has been potty training Quinn.  I have to admit, he has been a champ.  It all started one day when his diaper was wet and it leaked out on my furniture.  I didn’t get mad at him but I was done!!  I threatened to put plastic/rubber training pants on him over his “big boy” underwear, he cried.  He pleaded to not put on the plastic pants and promised he wouldn’t have an accident in his big boy pants.  Well, he never has from that day, not even at night.  I am so proud of him.  I have never wanted to wish any phase of Quinn’s life away, I have treasured every little thing, but I really, really, really wanted to get rid of diapers.  I realize now just how quick they grow up, and I can honestly say that now that diapers are gone, I miss them…ok, not really!!    I miss my baby that wore them, but I really don’t miss the diapers!!  LOL 

My beautiful (Great)Grandmother, Katherine Baber
I will close with this, last Thursday we lost a true matriarch to our family.  My Great Grandmother, Katherine Baber, passed away suddenly Thursday morning, June 20, 2013 at the age of 97.  While many will say that she lived a long life and we were lucky to have her for so many years, I will say that no matter how old one may be when they leave this life, they take a piece of you with them.  She was a rock, she was strong, she was beautiful and she loved God.  Her house was always perfect and she would have never left her home without her hair done and her make up on.  She could climb a peach tree in a dress and tennis shoes and come down looking like she just stepped out of a beauty shop.  She cooked, she cleaned, she canned, she sewed and most importantly she read her bible daily.  She was proud; proud of her husband (whom we lost too early as well in the 90’s), her daughters, her grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. She had a lot of pain in her 97 years.  She lost all her siblings (she was 1 of 11 I believe), she lost her parents, her husband, 2 of her children and too many family and friends to count.  Yet, she never lost her composure, she never felt sorry for herself.  She focused on all the happy days that she had in her long life.  She never gave up on anyone.  She loved unconditionally.  She inspired all that met her. My Granny told a story at the funeral home Sunday evening, that grandmother (that’s what we all called her), wanted a closed casket because she had so many wrinkles.  Her daughters were not fond of that idea and she agreed to have the casket open.  She looked beautiful.  She was still as beautiful in her final sleep as she was so many years ago.  I am so blessed to have had this amazing woman in my life.  She passed on so much wisdom and grace to my Granny who passed it to my mom who I hope has passed enough on to me and my sister that we can carry on this beautiful woman’s legacy.  I will strive to be more like her every day and will remember her always.   

 1 Timothy 5:10 - Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

7 years of Rain and Sunshine

Tomorrow James and I will celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary. We had an amazing 3 day weekend in Nashville, Tn where we saw some shows, ate some amazing food and more importantly, spent some much needed quality couple time (something we haven't had in the past 3 years).  It was great, but driving home we hit a monsoon of rain.  That kind of rain that makes you drop about 20mph less than the speed limit.  That kind of rain that if a semi goes by, you are pretty sure you could surf or drown off the wake he splashes up with his huge tires.  The kind of rain you start to think, maybe I should just stop and ride this one out.  

It was horrible, but it made me think of the past 8 1/2 years James and I have had together.  It made me think of all the tears we have shed, both joyful and sad, and the tears that were sure to come. I started thinking about all that we had been through, and the tears of pain and a sadness we h ad shed.  We cried with the loss of James parents, both of whom passed within 6 months of each. Both who passed way to soon and way to young.  We cried for the failed multiple fertility treatments and when the doctor said there was no hope.  We cried after we lost our jobs and the after the loss of our beloved 4 legged babies.   We have cried for and with family and friends who have lost loved ones, unborn children and pets. We have cried for those that we did not know, the children lost in a senseless shooting and those lost in a bombing of why I still ask why?  There have been a lot of tears and sadness and pain. 

But we have also had many joyful days, thankfully more than the sad ones.  We have been blessed with food on our table, a roof over our head and shoes on our feet.  We have amazing family and friends.  We have shed tears over their support, their commitment to us, their love for us.  We are truly blessed.   We have shed tears as we celebrated college graduations, weddings, new careers, new beginnings.  We cried over the prayer that was answered when we became parents to a precious baby boy.  There have been many days of happiness and joy.

We have shed enough tears, it seems, to create a monsoon, like the one we drove through today.  And just like this rain, the events over the past 8 1/2 years have caused us to slow down many times, sometimes way below the normal speed limit. And like the big waves caused by bigger trucks, we have felt like we were drowning by the punches that society/this economy brought our way, but we kept our head above the water at all times.  And just like the thought I had today of stopping--quitting--taking a break, we too have had those moments in our 8 1/2 years together.  Moments of stopping, just quitting, because the rain was so hard we could not see the other side of it.  The clouds seemed as thought they would never be bright again. 

Fortunately, just like today, we/I was wrong. Today James continued to look at the live radar and he kept encouraging me that the rain was going to end.  He said, just go slow, there is sunshine on the other side of this, I promise.  I smiled and I just said, I trust you, you better be right.  And I drove.  And you know what, he was right.  We stayed on course, we dodged the big waves and we didn't stop.  And all of a sudden, the skies cleared, the rain went away and the sun began to shine.  

Thank you James Henry Halcomb, for always being there with and for me, through the rain and the sunshine. I am forever grateful that God chose me to be your wife.  I look forward to what this world has to bring our way the next 7 years and the next 7 years after that and the next.......

My favorite part of our vows to one another is when we repeated the following: 

 “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” Ruth 1: 16,17

I love you!!!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Emotions of Mothers Day

As Mother's Day quickly approaches it brings a multitude of emotions to me. I never really gave this day much thought as a young child or even in my 20's and early 30's.  To me it meant going to church on Sunday with my mom ( much like I did every Sunday), buying her a small gift and eating in Nicholasville at the blue building with the rest of my family. But as I got older this day took on a different meaning.  I started to dread this day every year more than any other day because it became a day that constantly reminded me of my infertility and the child I would never have.  I started dreading church this day because as a tradition, the men of the church honored mothers with flowers.  I didn't get one, well, they started giving me one eventually for the mother I "might" become one day.  I hated it!  But I smiled and tried to let the selfish emotions go, but it was difficult. Every store had flowers, cards and tv was consumed with tear jerker commercials that just added to my pain. Then even more guilty feelings would stir up because I knew that I should be celebrating my mom and not focusing on me and what may never come. But it was hard. 

Then comes the guilt of celebrating with my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and knowing that the majority of my friends including my husband, were not getting nor will they ever have that opportunity.  While I was celebrating with my mom, they would be placing flowers at a stone where their mothers now lie.  I would feel guilty for celebrating my with mom, when they could not.  It then became a day that I wanted to secretly celebrate as to not hurt others feelings. I would avoid asking them what they did over the weekend or informing of what I had done. Mothers Day continued to be a hard day.

So we fast forward to today, this weekend, tomorrow- Mothers Day. It is still a very emotional day to me.  My life was forever changed 3 1/2 years ago when a young women made the decision to let James and I raise and love and call her child our own. She gave me the opportunity to be called mom and I will forever be grateful. And for me, this child is all the gift I need on Mother's Day.  As for my friends, family and especially my husband, I struggle on this day for you.  I have tried to envision my life with out my mother and its impossible to do.  I can call her, I can touch her, I can hold her.  I know how precious having a mom is and it is something I don't take for granted.  

So for those who are blessed to have their mothers on this earth to celebrate tomorrow, do that.  Celebrate them. Celebrate their love, their kindness, their commitment to you and to their family.  Call your mother, visit your mother, write her a letter.  Don't let this day go by without acknowledging that she is your mother.  For those whose mothers have gone on to a different life, I pray that you find peace with this day.  May you remember your mom on this day and celebrate her life in a way that brings you comfort and joy.  And for those that are not mothers and may be struggling with infertility, I know your pain.  This is one of the toughest days you will deal with, but know that your day will come.  It may be as a sister, an aunt, a godmother--or I pray as a mother.  But you will be celebrated for the woman you are and the love and kindness that you have in your heart. I wish I had of had more faith for so many years so that I could have enjoyed this day more and cried less.   

To all the women in my life, my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters, my aunts, my stepmom, my friends--I celebrate you.  I love each and every one of you and am forever changed as a daughter, sister, wife and a mother because of what you each have brought and continue to bring into my life.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels... 
Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. 
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. 
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. 
Her sons rise up and call her blessed. 
He husband also praises her: 
Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! 
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 
~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30








Tuesday, April 23, 2013

If You don't have anything nice to say...Pray!!

Seems like the older I get the more sensitive I am and I get my feelings hurt so easy. In the past few weeks I have allowed others to "hurt" my feelings--professionally and personally. I do not like confrontation, so I tend to vent, to the less than a handful of people I trust to keep my venting to themselves, and move on. But there are days where I just want to scream and give someone a piece of my mind. I am reminded of that old saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". So I am learning to say as little as possible to those that hurt me, I pray to let the hurt go and then try move on. But I am human, and it is hard to forgive and forget. So I will continue to try and focus on what I am thankful for. I will not allow these sad, lonely, angry people to take away my peace, happiness and joy that I have in my life. I know I have hurt others feelings, never intentionally, because that's not who I am. I am sorry for those that I have hurt in the past. I try daily to bring joy and happiness to all those I come in contact with. I do not throw people under a bus ( I prefer to drive and take you along), and I can keep secrets. So I ask or prayer as I too pray to forgive those that are angry and hurt those around them.



" Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven! "~Matthew 18: 21-22

So I will forgive, I will continue to love my enemy and I will continue to give thanks to my God for loving me and my imperfections.