Sunday, May 19, 2013

7 years of Rain and Sunshine

Tomorrow James and I will celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary. We had an amazing 3 day weekend in Nashville, Tn where we saw some shows, ate some amazing food and more importantly, spent some much needed quality couple time (something we haven't had in the past 3 years).  It was great, but driving home we hit a monsoon of rain.  That kind of rain that makes you drop about 20mph less than the speed limit.  That kind of rain that if a semi goes by, you are pretty sure you could surf or drown off the wake he splashes up with his huge tires.  The kind of rain you start to think, maybe I should just stop and ride this one out.  

It was horrible, but it made me think of the past 8 1/2 years James and I have had together.  It made me think of all the tears we have shed, both joyful and sad, and the tears that were sure to come. I started thinking about all that we had been through, and the tears of pain and a sadness we h ad shed.  We cried with the loss of James parents, both of whom passed within 6 months of each. Both who passed way to soon and way to young.  We cried for the failed multiple fertility treatments and when the doctor said there was no hope.  We cried after we lost our jobs and the after the loss of our beloved 4 legged babies.   We have cried for and with family and friends who have lost loved ones, unborn children and pets. We have cried for those that we did not know, the children lost in a senseless shooting and those lost in a bombing of why I still ask why?  There have been a lot of tears and sadness and pain. 

But we have also had many joyful days, thankfully more than the sad ones.  We have been blessed with food on our table, a roof over our head and shoes on our feet.  We have amazing family and friends.  We have shed tears over their support, their commitment to us, their love for us.  We are truly blessed.   We have shed tears as we celebrated college graduations, weddings, new careers, new beginnings.  We cried over the prayer that was answered when we became parents to a precious baby boy.  There have been many days of happiness and joy.

We have shed enough tears, it seems, to create a monsoon, like the one we drove through today.  And just like this rain, the events over the past 8 1/2 years have caused us to slow down many times, sometimes way below the normal speed limit. And like the big waves caused by bigger trucks, we have felt like we were drowning by the punches that society/this economy brought our way, but we kept our head above the water at all times.  And just like the thought I had today of stopping--quitting--taking a break, we too have had those moments in our 8 1/2 years together.  Moments of stopping, just quitting, because the rain was so hard we could not see the other side of it.  The clouds seemed as thought they would never be bright again. 

Fortunately, just like today, we/I was wrong. Today James continued to look at the live radar and he kept encouraging me that the rain was going to end.  He said, just go slow, there is sunshine on the other side of this, I promise.  I smiled and I just said, I trust you, you better be right.  And I drove.  And you know what, he was right.  We stayed on course, we dodged the big waves and we didn't stop.  And all of a sudden, the skies cleared, the rain went away and the sun began to shine.  

Thank you James Henry Halcomb, for always being there with and for me, through the rain and the sunshine. I am forever grateful that God chose me to be your wife.  I look forward to what this world has to bring our way the next 7 years and the next 7 years after that and the next.......

My favorite part of our vows to one another is when we repeated the following: 

 “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. 17 Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” Ruth 1: 16,17

I love you!!!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Emotions of Mothers Day

As Mother's Day quickly approaches it brings a multitude of emotions to me. I never really gave this day much thought as a young child or even in my 20's and early 30's.  To me it meant going to church on Sunday with my mom ( much like I did every Sunday), buying her a small gift and eating in Nicholasville at the blue building with the rest of my family. But as I got older this day took on a different meaning.  I started to dread this day every year more than any other day because it became a day that constantly reminded me of my infertility and the child I would never have.  I started dreading church this day because as a tradition, the men of the church honored mothers with flowers.  I didn't get one, well, they started giving me one eventually for the mother I "might" become one day.  I hated it!  But I smiled and tried to let the selfish emotions go, but it was difficult. Every store had flowers, cards and tv was consumed with tear jerker commercials that just added to my pain. Then even more guilty feelings would stir up because I knew that I should be celebrating my mom and not focusing on me and what may never come. But it was hard. 

Then comes the guilt of celebrating with my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and knowing that the majority of my friends including my husband, were not getting nor will they ever have that opportunity.  While I was celebrating with my mom, they would be placing flowers at a stone where their mothers now lie.  I would feel guilty for celebrating my with mom, when they could not.  It then became a day that I wanted to secretly celebrate as to not hurt others feelings. I would avoid asking them what they did over the weekend or informing of what I had done. Mothers Day continued to be a hard day.

So we fast forward to today, this weekend, tomorrow- Mothers Day. It is still a very emotional day to me.  My life was forever changed 3 1/2 years ago when a young women made the decision to let James and I raise and love and call her child our own. She gave me the opportunity to be called mom and I will forever be grateful. And for me, this child is all the gift I need on Mother's Day.  As for my friends, family and especially my husband, I struggle on this day for you.  I have tried to envision my life with out my mother and its impossible to do.  I can call her, I can touch her, I can hold her.  I know how precious having a mom is and it is something I don't take for granted.  

So for those who are blessed to have their mothers on this earth to celebrate tomorrow, do that.  Celebrate them. Celebrate their love, their kindness, their commitment to you and to their family.  Call your mother, visit your mother, write her a letter.  Don't let this day go by without acknowledging that she is your mother.  For those whose mothers have gone on to a different life, I pray that you find peace with this day.  May you remember your mom on this day and celebrate her life in a way that brings you comfort and joy.  And for those that are not mothers and may be struggling with infertility, I know your pain.  This is one of the toughest days you will deal with, but know that your day will come.  It may be as a sister, an aunt, a godmother--or I pray as a mother.  But you will be celebrated for the woman you are and the love and kindness that you have in your heart. I wish I had of had more faith for so many years so that I could have enjoyed this day more and cried less.   

To all the women in my life, my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters, my aunts, my stepmom, my friends--I celebrate you.  I love each and every one of you and am forever changed as a daughter, sister, wife and a mother because of what you each have brought and continue to bring into my life.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels... 
Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. 
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. 
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. 
Her sons rise up and call her blessed. 
He husband also praises her: 
Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! 
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 
~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30