The Frog Hopper

Ever had one of those "slap you in the face" moments?  You know, when something happens and it is a huge wakeup call that makes you take a step back and analyze your life?  Well, I had that moment on July 4th, 2013.
It was a rainy 4th of July and we decided that we would take Quinn to Gattitown for some pizza and indoor "dry" entertainment.  We had free passes and 2/$5 game cards so not only would it be fun but it wouldn’t hit our budget to bad either.  We invited my sister, brother in law and niece along as well and they invited a few of their friends.  It was a good time.  Then my moment happened.  Gattitown got this new ride called the Frog Hopper.  It’s a ride for the little ones but their parents can ride too, pretty cool.  Quinn, my kid that NEVER wants to do something adventurous, wanted to ride.  The adrenaline shot through me.  I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fit on that ride. I stood there, frozen, thinking, maybe I will fit but what if I don’t; What if I get on there and they make me..us get off because my gut is too big to close the bar?? How embarrassing that would be not just for me, but for him.  The one little human I love most on this earth would be devastated if he couldn’t ride this roller coaster.   It was the first time I realized my weight was going to affect the things I could do with my son.  I was heartbroken.  Never have I wanted to run and hide and cry more than I did that very moment. My sister, thank goodness, was there and was able to ride with him.  He loved it.  He had the most amazing look on his face and was so excited.  It just filled my heart with joy, but the tears in my eyes were more than the joy he had experienced, they were the pain that I didn’t get to experience that first with him.  He never thought anything about Aunt RaRa riding with him and mommy not riding.  But I did.  What if she hadn’t been there?  What about the next time? He LOVED the ride, so there will be a next time!!  I knew at that moment that my lifestyle had to change. 
I have always wanted to lose weight, but never had the "right" motivation.  Now I did do.  But, how do I start?  Where do I start?  How do I stay motivated and get this weight off once and for all?  Well, I realized that it’s going to take accountability!!  In order to be held accountable you have to have others that depend upon you.  So, I am asking each of you to hold me accountable, each week, to get this weight off. My next blog will be my first weight loss entry.  I will start with my history of weight gain and my plan for each week.  I will post pictures as well as "THE" numbers, that’s right; I am going to put my weight out there, my weekly gains and most importantly, my losses.  Will you help me?  Will you hold me accountable and keep reminding me why I am doing this?
I enjoy life, I love to eat, I love to Drink (not just alcohol, I love coffee...sweet coffee, sweet tea, soda…the list goes on and on) and I love to play. So starting now I will blog about this weight loss; this lifestyle change.  This is not going to be easy.  But I know that with the support of those around me I can do this.  I am asking that you help keep me motivated and focused and remind me that I am doing this so that I can ride that next roller coaster with my baby boy!!      
    

A Coal Miners quilt

What a flashback it has been while unpacking a sea of Boxes and Rubbermaid totes. I have to admit that we have only just begun-but we are starting to transform our new home into ours.  My mother has a beautiful home and we are so blessed to move into an almost fully furnished home, but I definitely wanted to add our touch to it.  I am starting with the upstairs.  It was more of a clean slate than the down, so a little easier canvas to start painting.  Our..(my) biggest concern was not having any bedroom furniture for the master bedroom.  But as we started unpacking and moving things around I was pleasantly surprised to see how all the "extra" pieces started to really make a beautiful and romantic bedroom.  We have several pieces from James' parents and his childhood mixed with what already had and I love it.  We have a ways to go but seeing a vision start to come to life is so exhilarating.  My mom told me this past weekend that a home should be a reflection of your family, your memories, your life together.  I am so excited to not only make it our home but add a piece of those that we have loved and keep their memories alive. 

One piece that I am proud to finally put out is a beautiful coal miner's quilt that was sent to James' dads funeral. It has been in our closet for over 5 years and is finally going to be seen by all who visit us. I love it and I know James does too. Everyday we will pass it as we start our day and we will remember Henry Halcomb, his humor, his kind heart, his love for his family, his fight to live.  The quilt is more than a pice of material, it is a memory that will always keep our love for Henry alive. 

Do you have piece that you proudly display in your home that is a reflection of your past or someone that you loved?

My destiny is in his hands

Lately I have been  am  have been struggling with what my purpose in this life is.  What was I put on this earth to do.  Did I miss an opportunity to really do something amazing with my life? Did I go left when I should have gone right?  Did I look down when I should have looked up? I keep thinking that I should have made smarter choices with my education, my personal life, my finances and maybe, just maybe I would be the person I think I was supposed to be--But who is that?  I look around me and I see so many that "appear" to have it all together.  Now I know that you cant judge a book by its cover.  That appearances can be, and usually are, very deceiving.  And then there are those that know their destiny.  I remember when my sister was little she always said that she was going to be a teacher.  When she played pretend or dress up, she was always a teacher.  It was though she was born knowing her destiny.  She went to college, became a teacher and she has and continues to make such a difference in the youth of today. Teaching them, loving them, helping them find their way in this great big world.

I remember as a kid that I wanted to be everything.  I am pretty sure my future career choices changed with the seasons. I was going to be a police officer, a beautician, a nurse, a chemical engineer, I was going to enlist in the Navy (which I actually did but that's a different blog), I was going to be a professional photographer, I was going to win a CMA...there were just so many options and I guess I thought I would be a Jane of all trades.  LOL  But in all my dream career choices, there was always one constant.  I wanted to be married and more than anything I wanted to be a mom.  I just knew that I would have 2 boys and 1 girl and I even had their names picked out.  Hence my Cabbage Patch kids that are all named for my future children. haha  This was my destiny, to be a mom, to 3 or maybe 4 children.  I knew this, at least I thought I did!
But REALITY set in....

I got a job with the phone company when I was 22.  I was blessed to eventually work myself up into a position that I really loved but 16 years later that job would end, actually causing me to take a step back and see what was really important to me and where I wanted to go in my life. I met an amazing, caring, loving man in 2004ish and we started our life together in 2006 as husband and wife. Then there was the infertility thing.  I will blog more about that later, but in Gods time we were blessed with the most precious son ever (yes, I am a little biased, but just ask anyone, they will agree). So my childhood dreams were slowly coming to life.  I was married, I was a mom.  but now what?  I was am happy, but I can honestly say that there was still something missing.  I felt like I still needed a career, a purpose, but what was that?

Then I realized that I needed to look up.  I need to look up to God to show me what his purpose for me was. I needed to search within myself, listen to what God was telling me, go to where God was directing me.  Proverbs 19:21 says that "Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand."  I was drowning in my own plans and it was because it was all what I wanted to do, not what God wanted me to do.  I am learning to be patient and to listen to him.  He has made my dreams of becoming a wife and mom come true.  He sent me James and Quinn, in his time, when he knew that I was ready for that.  I repeat, When HE knew that I was READY.  So it is time for me to stop worrying so much about what I thought I was supposed to be but who God wants me to be. I am feeding more on the word, I am praying more, I am being more quiet.  I am so far from where I feel he is leading me and yet I feel so close.  Knowing that my destiny is in his hands, trusting him to lead me in the right direction, makes me sleep a little better at night and enjoy the days so much more.

So going forward I am going to stop worrying about what I think my purpose in life is.  Because I know that it is to be a Christian wife, mother, daughter, sister.  A disciple of Christ.  I have so much to learn, but I am so excited to start this next chapter in my life.  I know that he will never fail me and with that faith, even as small as a mustard seed, I will prosper.  I will be happy.  I no longer fear the unknown because he knows what my future holds and that's all that matters.

Have you always known your destiny?  Are you living out your dreams?  Are you still searching? 

 To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3: 1

   

Life just goes way to fast....

It’s been a while since I last blogged.  I always feel like I have to have that perfect subject in order to write and even though only a handful of people read my blog, I still don’t write.  Well, I am going to change that.  I am going to start writing about whatever is on my mind, the events of the day or what I am (or am not) feeling. I will write about my dreams, my realities, my hopes and ambitions, my let downs and anything and everything in between.  I will probably write a lot about my husband and son because they are the 2 most important things on this earth to me, so consider yourself forewarned!! 

It’s been a crazy few months in the Halcomb household; we sold our house in February and moved in with my mom and step dad.  They are technically there on the weekends only, but lately, with unexpected life events, they have needed to be in Lexington a little more.  Needless to say, our home is filled with laughter, tears, yelling, talking, cooking, cleaning, and so much more.  With 4 headstrong adults and a 3 year old, life is never boring.  Our most recent adventure has been potty training Quinn.  I have to admit, he has been a champ.  It all started one day when his diaper was wet and it leaked out on my furniture.  I didn’t get mad at him but I was done!!  I threatened to put plastic/rubber training pants on him over his “big boy” underwear, he cried.  He pleaded to not put on the plastic pants and promised he wouldn’t have an accident in his big boy pants.  Well, he never has from that day, not even at night.  I am so proud of him.  I have never wanted to wish any phase of Quinn’s life away, I have treasured every little thing, but I really, really, really wanted to get rid of diapers.  I realize now just how quick they grow up, and I can honestly say that now that diapers are gone, I miss them…ok, not really!!    I miss my baby that wore them, but I really don’t miss the diapers!!  LOL 



My beautiful (Great)Grandmother, Katherine Baber

I will close with this, last Thursday we lost a true matriarch to our family.  My Great Grandmother, Katherine Baber, passed away suddenly Thursday morning, June 20, 2013 at the age of 97.  While many will say that she lived a long life and we were lucky to have her for so many years, I will say that no matter how old one may be when they leave this life, they take a piece of you with them.  She was a rock, she was strong, she was beautiful and she loved God.  Her house was always perfect and she would have never left her home without her hair done and her make up on.  She could climb a peach tree in a dress and tennis shoes and come down looking like she just stepped out of a beauty shop.  She cooked, she cleaned, she canned, she sewed and most importantly she read her bible daily.  She was proud; proud of her husband (whom we lost too early as well in the 90’s), her daughters, her grandchildren, great grandchildren and great-great grandchildren. She had a lot of pain in her 97 years.  She lost all her siblings (she was 1 of 11 I believe), she lost her parents, her husband, 2 of her children and too many family and friends to count.  Yet, she never lost her composure, she never felt sorry for herself.  She focused on all the happy days that she had in her long life.  She never gave up on anyone.  She loved unconditionally.  She inspired all that met her. My Granny told a story at the funeral home Sunday evening, that grandmother (that’s what we all called her), wanted a closed casket because she had so many wrinkles.  Her daughters were not fond of that idea and she agreed to have the casket open.  She looked beautiful.  She was still as beautiful in her final sleep as she was so many years ago.  I am so blessed to have had this amazing woman in my life.  She passed on so much wisdom and grace to my Granny who passed it to my mom who I hope has passed enough on to me and my sister that we can carry on this beautiful woman’s legacy.  I will strive to be more like her every day and will remember her always.   

 1 Timothy 5:10 - Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.

7 years of Rain and Sunshine

Tomorrow James and I will celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary. We had an amazing 3 day weekend in Nashville, Tn where we saw some shows, ate some amazing food and more importantly, spent some much needed quality couple time (something we haven't had in the past 3 years).  It was great, but driving home we hit a monsoon of rain.  That kind of rain that makes you drop about 20mph less than the speed limit.  That kind of rain that if a semi goes by, you are pretty sure you could surf or drown off the wake he splashes up with his huge tires.  The kind of rain you start to think, maybe I should just stop and ride this one out.  

It was horrible, but it made me think of the past 8 1/2 years James and I have had together.  It made me think of all the tears we have shed, both joyful and sad, and the tears that were sure to come. I started thinking about all that we had been through, and the tears of pain and a sadness we h ad shed.  We cried with the loss of James parents, both of whom passed within 6 months of each. Both who passed way to soon and way to young.  We cried for the failed multiple fertility treatments and when the doctor said there was no hope.  We cried after we lost our jobs and the after the loss of our beloved 4 legged babies.   We have cried for and with family and friends who have lost loved ones, unborn children and pets. We have cried for those that we did not know, the children lost in a senseless shooting and those lost in a bombing of why I still ask why?  There have been a lot of tears and sadness and pain. 

But we have also had many joyful days, thankfully more than the sad ones.  We have been blessed with food on our table, a roof over our head and shoes on our feet.  We have amazing family and friends.  We have shed tears over their support, their commitment to us, their love for us.  We are truly blessed.   We have shed tears as we celebrated college graduations, weddings, new careers, new beginnings.  We cried over the prayer that was answered when we became parents to a precious baby boy.  There have been many days of happiness and joy.

We have shed enough tears, it seems, to create a monsoon, like the one we drove through today.  And just like this rain, the events over the past 8 1/2 years have caused us to slow down many times, sometimes way below the normal speed limit. And like the big waves caused by bigger trucks, we have felt like we were drowning by the punches that society/this economy brought our way, but we kept our head above the water at all times.  And just like the thought I had today of stopping--quitting--taking a break, we too have had those moments in our 8 1/2 years together.  Moments of stopping, just quitting, because the rain was so hard we could not see the other side of it.  The clouds seemed as thought they would never be bright again. 

Fortunately, just like today, we/I was wrong. Today James continued to look at the live radar and he kept encouraging me that the rain was going to end.  He said, just go slow, there is sunshine on the other side of this, I promise.  I smiled and I just said, I trust you, you better be right.  And I drove.  And you know what, he was right.  We stayed on course, we dodged the big waves and we didn't stop.  And all of a sudden, the skies cleared, the rain went away and the sun began to shine.  

Thank you James Henry Halcomb, for always being there with and for me, through the rain and the sunshine. I am forever grateful that God chose me to be your wife.  I look forward to what this world has to bring our way the next 7 years and the next 7 years after that and the next.......

My favorite part of our vows to one another is when we repeated the following: 

 “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” Ruth 1: 16,17

I love you!!!

Emotions of Mothers Day

As Mother's Day quickly approaches it brings a multitude of emotions to me. I never really gave this day much thought as a young child or even in my 20's and early 30's.  To me it meant going to church on Sunday with my mom ( much like I did every Sunday), buying her a small gift and eating in Nicholasville at the blue building with the rest of my family. But as I got older this day took on a different meaning.  I started to dread this day every year more than any other day because it became a day that constantly reminded me of my infertility and the child I would never have.  I started dreading church this day because as a tradition, the men of the church honored mothers with flowers.  I didn't get one, well, they started giving me one eventually for the mother I "might" become one day.  I hated it!  But I smiled and tried to let the selfish emotions go, but it was difficult. Every store had flowers, cards and tv was consumed with tear jerker commercials that just added to my pain. Then even more guilty feelings would stir up because I knew that I should be celebrating my mom and not focusing on me and what may never come. But it was hard. 

Then comes the guilt of celebrating with my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and knowing that the majority of my friends including my husband, were not getting nor will they ever have that opportunity.  While I was celebrating with my mom, they would be placing flowers at a stone where their mothers now lie.  I would feel guilty for celebrating my with mom, when they could not.  It then became a day that I wanted to secretly celebrate as to not hurt others feelings. I would avoid asking them what they did over the weekend or informing of what I had done. Mothers Day continued to be a hard day.

So we fast forward to today, this weekend, tomorrow- Mothers Day. It is still a very emotional day to me.  My life was forever changed 3 1/2 years ago when a young women made the decision to let James and I raise and love and call her child our own. She gave me the opportunity to be called mom and I will forever be grateful. And for me, this child is all the gift I need on Mother's Day.  As for my friends, family and especially my husband, I struggle on this day for you.  I have tried to envision my life with out my mother and its impossible to do.  I can call her, I can touch her, I can hold her.  I know how precious having a mom is and it is something I don't take for granted.  

So for those who are blessed to have their mothers on this earth to celebrate tomorrow, do that.  Celebrate them. Celebrate their love, their kindness, their commitment to you and to their family.  Call your mother, visit your mother, write her a letter.  Don't let this day go by without acknowledging that she is your mother.  For those whose mothers have gone on to a different life, I pray that you find peace with this day.  May you remember your mom on this day and celebrate her life in a way that brings you comfort and joy.  And for those that are not mothers and may be struggling with infertility, I know your pain.  This is one of the toughest days you will deal with, but know that your day will come.  It may be as a sister, an aunt, a godmother--or I pray as a mother.  But you will be celebrated for the woman you are and the love and kindness that you have in your heart. I wish I had of had more faith for so many years so that I could have enjoyed this day more and cried less.   

To all the women in my life, my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters, my aunts, my stepmom, my friends--I celebrate you.  I love each and every one of you and am forever changed as a daughter, sister, wife and a mother because of what you each have brought and continue to bring into my life.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels... 
Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. 
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. 
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. 
Her sons rise up and call her blessed. 
He husband also praises her: 
Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! 
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 
~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30

If You don't have anything nice to say...Pray!!

Seems like the older I get the more sensitive I am and I get my feelings hurt so easy. In the past few weeks I have allowed others to "hurt" my feelings--professionally and personally. I do not like confrontation, so I tend to vent, to the less than a handful of people I trust to keep my venting to themselves, and move on. But there are days where I just want to scream and give someone a piece of my mind. I am reminded of that old saying "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". So I am learning to say as little as possible to those that hurt me, I pray to let the hurt go and then try move on. But I am human, and it is hard to forgive and forget. So I will continue to try and focus on what I am thankful for. I will not allow these sad, lonely, angry people to take away my peace, happiness and joy that I have in my life. I know I have hurt others feelings, never intentionally, because that's not who I am. I am sorry for those that I have hurt in the past. I try daily to bring joy and happiness to all those I come in contact with. I do not throw people under a bus ( I prefer to drive and take you along), and I can keep secrets. So I ask or prayer as I too pray to forgive those that are angry and hurt those around them.



" Then Peter came up to Him and said, Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him and let it go? [As many as] up to seven times? Jesus answered him, I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven! "~Matthew 18: 21-22

So I will forgive, I will continue to love my enemy and I will continue to give thanks to my God for loving me and my imperfections.