My destiny is in his hands

Lately I have been  am  have been struggling with what my purpose in this life is.  What was I put on this earth to do.  Did I miss an opportunity to really do something amazing with my life? Did I go left when I should have gone right?  Did I look down when I should have looked up? I keep thinking that I should have made smarter choices with my education, my personal life, my finances and maybe, just maybe I would be the person I think I was supposed to be--But who is that?  I look around me and I see so many that "appear" to have it all together.  Now I know that you cant judge a book by its cover.  That appearances can be, and usually are, very deceiving.  And then there are those that know their destiny.  I remember when my sister was little she always said that she was going to be a teacher.  When she played pretend or dress up, she was always a teacher.  It was though she was born knowing her destiny.  She went to college, became a teacher and she has and continues to make such a difference in the youth of today. Teaching them, loving them, helping them find their way in this great big world.

I remember as a kid that I wanted to be everything.  I am pretty sure my future career choices changed with the seasons. I was going to be a police officer, a beautician, a nurse, a chemical engineer, I was going to enlist in the Navy (which I actually did but that's a different blog), I was going to be a professional photographer, I was going to win a CMA...there were just so many options and I guess I thought I would be a Jane of all trades.  LOL  But in all my dream career choices, there was always one constant.  I wanted to be married and more than anything I wanted to be a mom.  I just knew that I would have 2 boys and 1 girl and I even had their names picked out.  Hence my Cabbage Patch kids that are all named for my future children. haha  This was my destiny, to be a mom, to 3 or maybe 4 children.  I knew this, at least I thought I did!
But REALITY set in....

I got a job with the phone company when I was 22.  I was blessed to eventually work myself up into a position that I really loved but 16 years later that job would end, actually causing me to take a step back and see what was really important to me and where I wanted to go in my life. I met an amazing, caring, loving man in 2004ish and we started our life together in 2006 as husband and wife. Then there was the infertility thing.  I will blog more about that later, but in Gods time we were blessed with the most precious son ever (yes, I am a little biased, but just ask anyone, they will agree). So my childhood dreams were slowly coming to life.  I was married, I was a mom.  but now what?  I was am happy, but I can honestly say that there was still something missing.  I felt like I still needed a career, a purpose, but what was that?

Then I realized that I needed to look up.  I need to look up to God to show me what his purpose for me was. I needed to search within myself, listen to what God was telling me, go to where God was directing me.  Proverbs 19:21 says that "Many plans are in a man's mind, but it is the Lord's purpose for him that will stand."  I was drowning in my own plans and it was because it was all what I wanted to do, not what God wanted me to do.  I am learning to be patient and to listen to him.  He has made my dreams of becoming a wife and mom come true.  He sent me James and Quinn, in his time, when he knew that I was ready for that.  I repeat, When HE knew that I was READY.  So it is time for me to stop worrying so much about what I thought I was supposed to be but who God wants me to be. I am feeding more on the word, I am praying more, I am being more quiet.  I am so far from where I feel he is leading me and yet I feel so close.  Knowing that my destiny is in his hands, trusting him to lead me in the right direction, makes me sleep a little better at night and enjoy the days so much more.

So going forward I am going to stop worrying about what I think my purpose in life is.  Because I know that it is to be a Christian wife, mother, daughter, sister.  A disciple of Christ.  I have so much to learn, but I am so excited to start this next chapter in my life.  I know that he will never fail me and with that faith, even as small as a mustard seed, I will prosper.  I will be happy.  I no longer fear the unknown because he knows what my future holds and that's all that matters.

Have you always known your destiny?  Are you living out your dreams?  Are you still searching? 

 To everything there is a season, and a time for every matter or purpose under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3: 1