Emotions of Mothers Day

As Mother's Day quickly approaches it brings a multitude of emotions to me. I never really gave this day much thought as a young child or even in my 20's and early 30's.  To me it meant going to church on Sunday with my mom ( much like I did every Sunday), buying her a small gift and eating in Nicholasville at the blue building with the rest of my family. But as I got older this day took on a different meaning.  I started to dread this day every year more than any other day because it became a day that constantly reminded me of my infertility and the child I would never have.  I started dreading church this day because as a tradition, the men of the church honored mothers with flowers.  I didn't get one, well, they started giving me one eventually for the mother I "might" become one day.  I hated it!  But I smiled and tried to let the selfish emotions go, but it was difficult. Every store had flowers, cards and tv was consumed with tear jerker commercials that just added to my pain. Then even more guilty feelings would stir up because I knew that I should be celebrating my mom and not focusing on me and what may never come. But it was hard. 

Then comes the guilt of celebrating with my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and knowing that the majority of my friends including my husband, were not getting nor will they ever have that opportunity.  While I was celebrating with my mom, they would be placing flowers at a stone where their mothers now lie.  I would feel guilty for celebrating my with mom, when they could not.  It then became a day that I wanted to secretly celebrate as to not hurt others feelings. I would avoid asking them what they did over the weekend or informing of what I had done. Mothers Day continued to be a hard day.

So we fast forward to today, this weekend, tomorrow- Mothers Day. It is still a very emotional day to me.  My life was forever changed 3 1/2 years ago when a young women made the decision to let James and I raise and love and call her child our own. She gave me the opportunity to be called mom and I will forever be grateful. And for me, this child is all the gift I need on Mother's Day.  As for my friends, family and especially my husband, I struggle on this day for you.  I have tried to envision my life with out my mother and its impossible to do.  I can call her, I can touch her, I can hold her.  I know how precious having a mom is and it is something I don't take for granted.  

So for those who are blessed to have their mothers on this earth to celebrate tomorrow, do that.  Celebrate them. Celebrate their love, their kindness, their commitment to you and to their family.  Call your mother, visit your mother, write her a letter.  Don't let this day go by without acknowledging that she is your mother.  For those whose mothers have gone on to a different life, I pray that you find peace with this day.  May you remember your mom on this day and celebrate her life in a way that brings you comfort and joy.  And for those that are not mothers and may be struggling with infertility, I know your pain.  This is one of the toughest days you will deal with, but know that your day will come.  It may be as a sister, an aunt, a godmother--or I pray as a mother.  But you will be celebrated for the woman you are and the love and kindness that you have in your heart. I wish I had of had more faith for so many years so that I could have enjoyed this day more and cried less.   

To all the women in my life, my mother, my mother-in-law, my sisters, my aunts, my stepmom, my friends--I celebrate you.  I love each and every one of you and am forever changed as a daughter, sister, wife and a mother because of what you each have brought and continue to bring into my life.  HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Who can find a virtuous woman? She is far more precious than jewels... 
Strength and honor are her clothing, and she can laugh at the time to come. 
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue. 
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle. 
Her sons rise up and call her blessed. 
He husband also praises her: 
Many women are capable, but you surpass them all! 
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. 
~Proverbs 31:10, 25-30