The Fifth Commandment

Last night we attended our last bible study with our friends at Northeast Christian Church (NCC). James and I have come too really like this church and the people there. While it was a really hard adjustment for me to go from a 15 people population on Sunday mornings (yes I said 15!!) to an 800-1000 people population, I made the change. I had attended Bethel Presbyterian Church since I was about 5 years old. It is home to me, the members are like my family and to walk away was hard. But since becoming parents, James and I both longed for more and NCC is where we have landed, for now. 

One of the things that we have truly enjoyed these past 9 weeks has been the bible studies, they call them Connection Wednesdays. They have child care during these classes, so James and I are both able to attend and Quinn gets a little more bible study (play) time of his own!! We just finished up a class for parenting that was called House or Home Parenting edition, and is led by Chip Ingram. It was great studies that lead to some even great conversation with parents. Chip gives us a blueprint for raising our children to be Christians and to build a foundation of morals and values. He points out the harsh realities that make you want to cry at times because you can see where you are going wrong, but yet he lifts you up and makes you realize that you’re not alone and that the path you’re on can be changed in a matter of days and weeks. I highly recommend this study for anyone that wants to change the way they are raising their children and want to become a better example themselves to them.

But last night, I got something out of the meeting that I never expected. Everyone was stating what they got from the past 9 weeks, some was spending more time with their children, some it was being more strict by enforcing what they say when they say it. But one lady said something that nearly brought me to my knees. She said that the week we discussed a verse out of Ephesians 6:2 “Honor thy father and mother “, the Fifth Commandment, was a huge turning point for her. For most of us, we took this verse as we were to raise our children to honor us. Chip even says, if we don’t raise our children to honor us, someone they can see, how will we ever raise our children to honor something they don’t see? Well, this young lady took a different perspective on it. She said that she was an only child and once she was married and had children she assumed that her parents would always make time to come see their grandchildren. She said she was angry a lot because they were not making the effort. They were always too busy. After that night of class, she stepped back and realized that it wasn’t her parents place to necessarily make time for us, but she was to make time for them. “We” were to honor “them”, our parents. She said she had realized that they were busy, daily, taking care of, honoring, their elderly parents (her grandparents) and that her place was to go see them and take her kids to them.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. For those who know me, you know that I come from a divorced family. My mom and dad separated when I was young. I’m not sure at what age, but I think 4 or 5. My mother raised me. She did a great job. But my dad was in and out of my life always. When I turned 16 and was able to drive, I would go see him often, but as years went on, our relationship (if that’s what you want to call it) drifted. There would be days, months, and years of no communication. I cried many a night wondering why he didn’t want to be my dad. Why he couldn’t call me, why he couldn’t put forth the effort. Fast forward to today, I have come to peace with the way things are and decided that it had nothing to do with love, but that it was just “who he was”. I tell myself that if he died today that I am ok with where our relationship is/was. That I put forth the effort and he knows I love him. Well, until last night, I believed that. Until last night, I thought I was ok with where our relationship stood. I was wrong.

The Lord commands us, first and foremost, to Honor our Mother and Father. He doesn’t say, try a little and see what happens. He doesn’t say, if they don’t call you then don’t call them. He doesn’t say, if they are mean to you to be mean back. He says Honor!! Honor means giving respect to someone. It is a high moral standard of behavior. I realized last night, that I was not honoring my Father by ignoring him. I was not honoring my Father by living my life and not being a part of his. I was not Honoring my Father by allowing our relationship to be go stale. I was not honoring my Father as the Lord commanded that I do. And at that moment I wept.

Now, this is my story. Everyone who has a complicated relationship with their parents has their own reason. My Father didn’t technically abandon me. He was there, sometimes. He made me promises that he never kept. He acknowledged my birthday, sometimes. I was angry at him. I allowed myself to be hurt by his actions one to many times. I really thought that the way things were is the way things would be.

Today I reached out to him. I sent a text. It’s a small step. He hasn’t responded-yet. I am not even sure that he has phone that receives texts. Haha If I don’t hear back, I will call him tonight. I plan to make an effort, weekly, monthly, to go see him; to call him; to let him know that I love him. My dad is a great guy. My dad deserves to be honored.

I want to teach my son, by my example that you never give up on your parents. You never disrespect your parents. You never speak harshly about or to your parents. I want to know that if the day comes and I must take my time to care for my mother and/or my father that he will know how to be there for me and his dad, becasue of the example that I set. He is to honor his parents. Honoring a parent is giving selfless love. It’s a rewarding love. Starting today, I will honor both my mother and my father just as the Lord has commanded me to do.

I need to add, while this post was primarily about my dad, my mother has been my rock my entire life. There are times I feel bad for the days and phases in my life where I wasnt the child/adult that showed honor to my mother. Thankfully, sometimes, we learn with age. I pray that each day going forward, I honor her, in any way that I can. None of us are perfect, and there will be days that I will say something or do something that may negate what I am saying today, but the fact is, I will make my purpose to not only honor my father, but to ensure that my mother knows that I love and respect her in all ways and that I honor them both, all the days of our lives. Thank you Marlene and Sonny, for being my parents. I am truly blessed!!